It's Only Fitting

My last post was all about new beginings and a different focus for this blog. Today I found out that after months of trying, my husband and I are expecting our first child. Talk about running with insanity! I truely never expected to be married but Dan changed my world and I knew that God had made him just for me and me for him. I knew that all my life experienced had prepared me to be his wife. I also knew early on in dating that Dan needed to be a father, even though I had absolutely no desire to ever have children. I honestly never thought I had that "mom" gene. He had long ago accepted that life with me might mean no children; however, a year ago, my perspective changed. I could feel God working in my and developing me to one day be a mother.

 After months of talking about children in a someday world, we decided to give our trust to God and just see, just see what happened. So in mid-September, we started trying. I still wasn't sure that I was cut out to be a mother. As time went on and I became better friends with some lovely women at church, I started to realize that maybe God was working in me after all. I was at a friend's home and had a wonderful 5 year old on one hip and a beautiful 6 year old on the other hip. We were laughing and having fun. I realized in that moment how natural it felt to have them on my hips, to be with those cute shorties, to laugh with those cuties, and just hanging out with those giggling girls. God is amazing! So the girl who never wanted children had a change in heart. This girl even became a bit baby obsessed. The poor boy was even worn out because his crazy wife was taking her temperature every morning and checking other possible indicators. I wanted to try and try and try because it meant that we just might, just might this time, maybe this time, we just might actually concieve. It took me a month of this crazy behavior to realize that I was forcing my will when really this was all about God. I was just a vehicle in God's glorious plan and forcing my will would definitely not help! I turned crazy down and turned this whole baby idea over to God. Wow! God is good!

After the crazy stopped, we have been trying but not forcing our will. After months of praying for God's will, His guidance, and our marriage, we were blessed with good news this morning! I honestly did not think I was pregnant and I certainly did not want to get my hopes up yet again. There were many pregnancy tests that led to nothing but sadness. Even though I prayed for God's will, I was disappointed with every negative test. Last weekend, I had all of my normal PMS/cycle symptoms. My ankles were achy, my breasts were tender, and I was moody-mcgee. I even preemptively used girly supplies fully expecting to start my period at any moment. On Friday I realized I was even late for being late. This morning I toyed with the idea of taking another test. I went back and forth and finally turned to prayer. I prayed that God will give me acceptance of His will and peace with the outcome of the test. I took a deep sign and took the test knowing that God would be there. God is good!

Talk about a whole new kind of insanity! I was flabbergasted! I never had a problem reading a pregnancy test that was negative but did a complete double take when the test was positive! I was so freaked out, in a completely excited and overwhelmed sort of way! Dan left for a SCUBA trip this morning before I was awake so I took a picture of the test and texted it to him. I also called but he did not answer! I could not contain myself so I called my wonderful mother. She was too excited and we had a great talk. I next called my step-mom who screamed and freaked out! She and my little sister were up in Portland so I got to tell both of them...so awesome! Next I called my dad to share the good news and he was also excited! I went over and helped some friends pack up a moving truck starting at noon. It was pure torture not to say a word because I wanted Dan to know before them. Finally, Dan called at 3:30 and we talked. He sounded completely shocked but quickly turned to excitement. He said I could tell the friends so I share the good news! So much fun! I got home around 7:30 and called my step-grandparents. I also called my little brother was was also very excited! I am scared and excited and overjoyed and a whole lot of mixed emotions about this new journey toward motherhood! Talk about a whole new meaning to running with insanity! God is good!