Every now and then, I get a small glimpse into God's view. These moments always leave me speechless and awestricken.
In the wee hours of the morning, I was nursing Vincent. I was holding my beautiful baby boy and staring deep into his big brown eyes constantly wondering how I could love this little perfect person so much. He was all-consuming with my attention while perfectly dependent on his momma for shelter, food, clothing, protection, and comfort. With the soft amber glow of the dimmed light, I realized that he had always been a part of me.
As I reflected on how this new addition to our family had always been a part of me, I remembered a similar thought about Dan. I had just gotten out of a long term relationship and was looking forward to being single. I wanted freedom and flexibility. I did not want to be attached to anyone. I wanted some time to just be me. While I had only been single for a few days, I knew God wanted me to date Dan so I surrendered to God's will and we started dating September 28, 2006. After dating for only a few weeks, I knew I was meant to marry Dan. I never understood when someone said, "I just knew" as in I-just-knew-that-he/she-was-meant-to-be-my-spouse because how do you "just know" something that big? God showed me and I just knew that Dan and I would be married one day. In those early weeks of dating, it was like Dan and I had always known each other. I was able to and felt comfortable being my crazy, silly self. I did not hold back any part of who I was because our relationship was so natural. I never felt self-conscious of being my little kid self. We were married on August 22, 2009. It was like he was always a part of me, I just had not met him yet.
Not that dogs are children but it was similar with our dogs. Once we bought our house in July of 2009, we got got Dolce. My big black Great Dane girl just fit our lives. She effortlessly adjusted to us and us to her. We had only had her a few days but I remember thinking it was like we had always had her. She seemed to complete our little family. While picking up dog supplies at the county animal shelter, I went to see a Great Dane puppy I saw on the website earlier that morning. This pretty girl puppy was a holy terror and needed a special home to teacher her how to be a good dog. My heart melted and we started fostering Rose in January of 2010. She was a wild one but a quick learner and in a short amount of time she was trained. Needless to say, we failed fostering and adopted her and now I can't image our house without her. Both dogs were always a part of our family, we just had not met them yet.
Which leads me back to Vincent. I never thought I would be married and I was okay with being single. I just didn't think marriage was in the cards for me but thankfully God showed me differently with Dan. Because I never thought I would be married, I also never thought I would be a mother. I had a doctor tell me I would not be able to conceive. I did not particularly like children, especially the ones that could not walk and talk. I just never felt like I had that mom-gene to be a good mother. I did not feel like I had to have children to be a complete woman. Thankfully, God gradually showed me differently. My heart softened and I realized that I was meant to be a mother. My beautiful boy was born on December 20, 2012. Even in those first precious moments of holding him, our bond felt purely natural and complete. When I look into his eyes, I am overwhelmed with the realization of how my own parents feel about me. Sometimes I am brought to tears by the overwhelming, primal, powerful love I have for him. He had always been a part of me, I just had not met him yet.
While I am sure God would have blessed the various other directions I could have chosen for my life, I have a small glimpse of how free will and predestination coincide. I could have taken a number of different paths. I had the free will to make those choices. God knew who I would become and yet had perfectly planned certain people for me. While I chose Dan and Vincent, they had always been a part of me, I just had not met them yet.
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Monday, July 22, 2013
My Top 10 Mom Fails
My little guy is now 7 months and in those 7 months, I have learned a lot! Sometimes the learning came from helpful advice, guesstimating, or by trial and error. Below are my 10 error learning moments:
1) While on maternity leave, the UPS guy delivered a large box to our home. Both Great Danes, the six week old baby, and I were in the house. I was juggling keep the dogs inside, supporting and holding the baby, signing for the delivery, and getting the box inside. Thankfully Mr. UPS helped get the box inside and we were talking about dogs. He mentioned that he had a lab. Then he asked, "How old?" I responded that the smaller dog was about 4 years old and the larger one was a rescue but we think she is 3 years old. He chuckled and said, "I actually meant the baby. How old is your little boy?" Oops! In my defense, we were just talking about dogs!
2) It has been 7 months but I still will fall asleep while nursing and staying exposed and/or losing the breast pad. I really do not care about the exposure part but it can be darn tricky finding that white pad in the middle of the night while trying to put myself back together.
3) In the middle of the night, I fell asleep while nursing and was quickly awoken by little man slipping from my grip. He fell to the floor but thankfully was not hurt. In fact, he did not even wake up but it sure scared this momma! I now keep extra pillows nearby or anchor a blanket so that it won't happen again.
4) A lack of sleep can do crazy things to a girl in the wee hours of the night like snapping the onsie over pants!
5) One of my first times pumping at work, I got all ready and started the machine. I was pumping like a diary cow and milk kept getting dripping on my clothes. I was dumbfounding for a few seconds, wondering why the darn thing was malfunctioning, when I realized that I forgot to attach the bottles!
6) Dan usually gives the Vincent his baths so that they can get some special bonding time in. To be helpful, I nakedfied the boy and brought him, facing outward, over the the bath that Dan was prepping. Fresh air really prompts Vincy to pee so he peed on Dan. Thankfully Dan laughed both times that this happened!
7) We have an awesome baby carrier which is perfect for shopping. During a shopping snack time with my step-mom and little sister, I spilled nachos on the cute little guy. I maybe also had some issues with my drink.
8) I am sure all moms have experienced this one. I kept smelling something funny one morning at work. It wasn't until 10:30am that I finally realized that I had baby spit-up on my shoulder! The smelly incident has only occurred once but often it's not until I use the restroom that I notice non-odorous spit-up which is still embarrassing!
9) Apparently, every infant boy is Vincent. I was with a good friend when I called her son Vincent! Thankfully, my friend is a good friend and completely understands that preggo brain just morphs into mommy brain!
10) Photos of everything and I mean everything! Yes, I am that mom who took a picture of her son's poopy diaper so that his pediatrician knew exactly what I was talking about when I asked, "Is this normal?" There are naked bath pictures and tons of tummy time pictures and pictures of him playing and pictures of him sleeping and pictures of him being cute and pictures of toys and pictures of his room and there are a lot of pictures! My poor son already has a ton of blackmail pictures for his teenage years! The oops part is that I filled the memory of my iPhone and had to delete apps in order to add more pictures and videos!
1) While on maternity leave, the UPS guy delivered a large box to our home. Both Great Danes, the six week old baby, and I were in the house. I was juggling keep the dogs inside, supporting and holding the baby, signing for the delivery, and getting the box inside. Thankfully Mr. UPS helped get the box inside and we were talking about dogs. He mentioned that he had a lab. Then he asked, "How old?" I responded that the smaller dog was about 4 years old and the larger one was a rescue but we think she is 3 years old. He chuckled and said, "I actually meant the baby. How old is your little boy?" Oops! In my defense, we were just talking about dogs!
2) It has been 7 months but I still will fall asleep while nursing and staying exposed and/or losing the breast pad. I really do not care about the exposure part but it can be darn tricky finding that white pad in the middle of the night while trying to put myself back together.
3) In the middle of the night, I fell asleep while nursing and was quickly awoken by little man slipping from my grip. He fell to the floor but thankfully was not hurt. In fact, he did not even wake up but it sure scared this momma! I now keep extra pillows nearby or anchor a blanket so that it won't happen again.
4) A lack of sleep can do crazy things to a girl in the wee hours of the night like snapping the onsie over pants!
5) One of my first times pumping at work, I got all ready and started the machine. I was pumping like a diary cow and milk kept getting dripping on my clothes. I was dumbfounding for a few seconds, wondering why the darn thing was malfunctioning, when I realized that I forgot to attach the bottles!
6) Dan usually gives the Vincent his baths so that they can get some special bonding time in. To be helpful, I nakedfied the boy and brought him, facing outward, over the the bath that Dan was prepping. Fresh air really prompts Vincy to pee so he peed on Dan. Thankfully Dan laughed both times that this happened!
7) We have an awesome baby carrier which is perfect for shopping. During a shopping snack time with my step-mom and little sister, I spilled nachos on the cute little guy. I maybe also had some issues with my drink.
8) I am sure all moms have experienced this one. I kept smelling something funny one morning at work. It wasn't until 10:30am that I finally realized that I had baby spit-up on my shoulder! The smelly incident has only occurred once but often it's not until I use the restroom that I notice non-odorous spit-up which is still embarrassing!
9) Apparently, every infant boy is Vincent. I was with a good friend when I called her son Vincent! Thankfully, my friend is a good friend and completely understands that preggo brain just morphs into mommy brain!
10) Photos of everything and I mean everything! Yes, I am that mom who took a picture of her son's poopy diaper so that his pediatrician knew exactly what I was talking about when I asked, "Is this normal?" There are naked bath pictures and tons of tummy time pictures and pictures of him playing and pictures of him sleeping and pictures of him being cute and pictures of toys and pictures of his room and there are a lot of pictures! My poor son already has a ton of blackmail pictures for his teenage years! The oops part is that I filled the memory of my iPhone and had to delete apps in order to add more pictures and videos!
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