Being a mom is a tough hard job, often with little recognition. Even with the best support systems, being a mom is tough! I make decisions to raise my son based on what I think is best for him and our family. I respect other mothers who are trying to do the best for their children and their family.
I don't know what hormone is released during pregnancy and by an infant that draws the crazies to the belly and child. The crazies feel it is their duty and their right to tell complete strangers how to raise their child, completely unsolicited advice. While looking in the baby section at Target, I had multiple encounters where complete strangers would congratulate me on my pregnancy and ask if I was planning to breast feed or bottle feed, to use disposable diapers or clothe diapers, and to circumcise or not. My husband did not believe me until he witnessed a complete stranger approach me, touch my belly, and say "Congrats on your new baby. Are you going to breast feed? You know it's so much better for the baby..." She said it all in one breath without even pausing for me to answer the original question before going into her personal agenda.
Random strangers are bad enough but I have been highly discouraged and disheartned by mothers being critical and imposing their beliefs on another mother. A friend posted a link on Facebook, "The Top 10 Things Never to Say To A Working Mother" which was written in response to another post titled "The Top 10 Things Never to Say To A Stay At Home Mother". I read both and completely agreed with both. I was left feeling puzzled why we as mothers are so polarized on certain tops. Puzzled even further, I wonder why mothers look down on other mothers for not fully agreeing or supporting their decision.
Perhaps the largest of these polarizing topics is the to work or to stay at home decision. I am amazed at how other mothers judge eachother. Personally, I would love to be at home with my son; however, my family needs my income and I get fullfillment from my job so I work. I have also realized that I think I am a better mom because I do work. I charish my time with my little man. I have a friend who has chosen to stay at home which has been a sacrife for her family. Another friend stayed at home after her second child because her paycheck would only barely have covered childcare. Even if she had wanted to continue working, it would not have been financially possible for her family. There are many factors that go into this decision.
The next largest polarizing topic is to breastfeed or bottle feed. This is a highly personal choice and often has many factors. I wanted to breastfeed and have been fortunate to be able to produce milk for my son. I personally believe that breastmilk is best for a growing baby; however, formula has come a long way. My family uses formula as a substitue. When daycare runs out of milk for they day, we have supplied them with formula. My stepmother wanted to breastfeed but was unable to. My little sister never learned how to latch so her milk never came in, even with pumping attempts. My cousins daughters were highly allergic to her milk and needed to be on specialized formulas. Some families are unable to afford formula. Some families are unable to afford a breast-pump. Breastfeeding takes dedication and is difficult as a working mom, even with a supportive company and privacy. Some woman just don't want to breastfeed, too. There are many factors that go into this decision.
The next polarizing topic is to use disposable or clothe diapers. While I make efforts to be environmentally sound, I chose disposable diapers. We did not have the money for the initial investment, I did not want the hassle for daycare, and I believe that disposable diapers have come a long way to lessening their waste impact. I applaud families who use clothe diapers. I understand that clothe diapers can cost less in the long run. There are pros and cons to both options. There are many factors that go into this decision.
The final topic I am going to address is the to circumsize a boy or not. Personally, I have no preference on this one. I followed my husbands strong opinion to circumcise. There are cultural, religious, regional, and personal reasons to and not to circumcise. It is a highly personal choice with many factors that go into this decision.
My point is that we never fully know the deeply personal reasons behind why a mother makes decisions. We don't know her background, her family cirmumstances, her finances, her preferences, her child, etc. More importantly, it's now of our business. Let's support each decision as long as a child is loved, cared for, fed, clothed, bathed, nurtured, and kept healthy. Let's offer input only when asked. Being a mom is tough so can't we just support eachother?
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